I’m currently on a dry spell. It’s not exactly involuntary, but it’s also not something I’m thrilled about.
To be clear, it’s not like I’ve sworn off casual relationships or short-term connections. I can do short-term if we’re both on the same page. Hell, I’m even down for situations that start with no clear expectations, as long as we’re excited about figuring it out. Two people who just like each other and vibe? I can do a few months of that. That was actually the last time I got laid, she was a doctor who had a few months left here before her residency, so we spent them together.
I realize not everyone operates this way. One of my close friends, for example, couldn’t care less. He’s tall, which means attractive to most women, and he’s stacking up numbers like a rookie athlete padding his stats. He’s banged women over 40 and women under 4 (in attractiveness). He’s no pedophile, just a man willing to do what it takes to get what he wants.
He’s a doctor one day and a spinal surgeon the next.
It’s a really cool job for a liar, which isn’t something I can bring myself to do.
I’m not going to lie about my job, who I am, or my lack of particular import. What I absolutely refuse to do is get involved with someone who’s clearly into me if I already know I don’t see a future there. It feels like intentional manipulation. If I already know, then you should too. We call that informed consent and it’s an important ethical boundary and it’s really hard to find.
The other night, a friend of mine who knew of my plight asked his girlfriend to introduce me to someone. Her friend was a fire-starter but had some obvious red flags. Making fun of someone’s appearance isn’t really my idea of a joke, and taking free drinks from men so I wouldn’t have to pay isn’t exactly sweet or kind. I’d rather just cover it.
I didn’t want to ruin it like my friend’s previous attempt at hooking me up. Who knew a girl would take offense to a simple observation about the way she treats the father of her child? People need to hear the truth or they’ll end up rotten, but I kept my mouth shut this time.
We knew what the introduction was for and it’s been too long. In the backseat, she thrust her tongue down my throat. I taste her personality on my tongue and I’m disgusted with myself.
I take a good look at her, and she. is. a. smokeshow.
She leans in to kiss me again and I peel back. I’m not trying to be dramatic, but something in me recoils. Not from her, well, maybe a little. It’s like my body recognized the mismatch before my brain could catch up.
The vibe was off. It felt transactional, shallow, like the kiss didn’t come from a place of connection, just heat. And I couldn’t pretend that was enough.
I guess this is why my dry spell persists despite having options. It’s not about scarcity; it’s about emotional standards. If the connection isn’t mutual and clear, it’s not worth pursuing. If there’s no potential, then we’re friends and nothing more.
And honestly, that’s okay. Sure, it can feel isolating and my friends think I’m just making life harder for myself. But at the end of the day, I prefer authenticity over convenience. I prefer connection over numbers.
One more thing drives me insane: for some reason, many women seem hesitant to sleep with someone they genuinely see potential with, yet casually hook up with someone who’s clearly just an asshole trying to get laid. Maybe vulnerability feels safer without emotional stakes, I don’t know. Either way, it’s confusing, or maybe I’m just mad.
I wonder what others think:
Should I keep holding out for authentic connection, even if it means a longer dry spell, or should I relax and just get laid?